LOL!! 200% Look alike!!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
女子和精神病
有一漂亮女子，深夜下班路过一疯人院，突然在她背后一声吼叫，把她吓得半死，回头一看有一男子赤身裸体站在她面前，于是她撒腿就跑，而该男子也在后面紧追不舍，她就这样拼命地跑啊跑啊，不好前面是一死胡同，她绝望极了，于是她哀求该男子：“求你放了我吧，你要做什么都行，只要不杀我”只见那男子诡异地笑了笑：“嘿嘿，真的？”女子点头“只要你不杀我，就随便你吧”“那好啊，从现在开始你追我”。
LOL!!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Rude Boy
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
LOL!! One Little Bad-ASS!!
会变大的蘑菇
從前，有個國家的公主，每天中午會帶她的女近衛隊將海邊封鎖，然後洗澡.
有個年輕的小伙子，想到了一個辦法，在公主來海邊前，將全身脫光光埋入沙灘中.
公主的女近衛隊例行檢查后，發現沒人，公主便在海中洗澡。洗完澡上岸后，她發現沙灘中冒出了一個小蘑菇.
公主好奇的對這個蘑菇又搖又摸，結果這個蘑菇越變越大，公主感到很開心，就更加賣力的觸摸.
公主又想不知這蘑菇是什味道的，於是伸出舌頭舔了幾下，結果這蘑菇竟然噴出了汁入射了公主的嘴裏，然後消失了.
公主把在嘴裏汁舔了幾下吞下，覺的味道還不錯，便高興的帶女近衛隊囘宮.
小伙子從沙灘跳出來后，感到很興奮，便到街市中大肆宣揚，讓不少男人羡慕不已.
第二天，公主洗完澡上岸后，發現遍地是蘑菇，很開心的把她女近衛隊們叫過來，大聲吩咐：“妳們快把這些蘑菇切下來帶囘宮…"
有個年輕的小伙子，想到了一個辦法，在公主來海邊前，將全身脫光光埋入沙灘中.
公主的女近衛隊例行檢查后，發現沒人，公主便在海中洗澡。洗完澡上岸后，她發現沙灘中冒出了一個小蘑菇.
公主好奇的對這個蘑菇又搖又摸，結果這個蘑菇越變越大，公主感到很開心，就更加賣力的觸摸.
公主又想不知這蘑菇是什味道的，於是伸出舌頭舔了幾下，結果這蘑菇竟然噴出了汁入射了公主的嘴裏，然後消失了.
公主把在嘴裏汁舔了幾下吞下，覺的味道還不錯，便高興的帶女近衛隊囘宮.
小伙子從沙灘跳出來后，感到很興奮，便到街市中大肆宣揚，讓不少男人羡慕不已.
第二天，公主洗完澡上岸后，發現遍地是蘑菇，很開心的把她女近衛隊們叫過來，大聲吩咐：“妳們快把這些蘑菇切下來帶囘宮…"
LOL!!痛!!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Truth Will Set You Free
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh, shit! It's so late, my wife's going to kill me! Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands. Then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? And what is that on your hands?"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and screams, "You @&$*!% liar! You went bowling again!!!"
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? And what is that on your hands?"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and screams, "You @&$*!% liar! You went bowling again!!!"
LOL!! Truths doesn't help xD
Sunday, May 1, 2011
最好的吸尘器
丈夫抱着吸尘器跑回家兴奋地对妻子说：“我为你买了最好的吸尘器！”
说着，他把家里的垃圾，烟灰撤在了客厅的地毯上！ 老婆大怒，但是丈夫却自豪的说：“这些垃圾立即无影无踪，否则，我把它们吃下去。”
说着，他把家里的垃圾，烟灰撤在了客厅的地毯上！ 老婆大怒，但是丈夫却自豪的说：“这些垃圾立即无影无踪，否则，我把它们吃下去。”
妻子愤怒的说：“看来你非吃不可了。”
丈夫坚定的答道：“绝对不会！”
妻子：“会的，因为今天停电。”
LOL!! 完蛋 xD
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