美女聊化妆品的美白效果

两个美女在电梯里谈论什么化妆品的美白效果最好。 与此同时，还有一个黑人男子在旁边就这样默默地听着。就在电梯快到时，黑人男子突然对两个美女说道：“没用的！我试过了，都没用的！！！！！！！！！！！！！！”

LOL!!好笑!!!

华语的深奥

= ='' SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI...LOL...

女孩子可以學起來對付你討厭的男生

@對方明明不認識妳，硬裝一副老朋友的樣子。

男：真的，我確定以前在哪兒見過妳。

女：是啊，所以我都不去那里了。

@妳不希望對方坐在妳身邊。

男：這個位子沒人坐嗎？

女：對，如果你坐下，我的位子也會沒人坐。


@相談甚歡后，他竟然想邀妳上床……

男：去妳家還是我家？

女：都去。你回你家，我回我家。


@ 碰到沒話找話說的無聊男子

男：對了，妳是做哪一行的？

女：我是殺豬的。

@想用星座話題釣妳，但是妳沒興趣。

男：嗨，美人兒，妳是什么座的？

女：沒事做。


@像蒼蠅一樣盯著妳身材的大色狼。

男：妳的身材像希臘神像一樣完美。

女：對不起，今天不開放參觀。


@猛開黃腔吃妳豆腐的輕薄男子。

男：如果我能看見妳裸體，我會喜悅而死。

女：如果我看見你裸體，我大概會笑死。


@ 想釣女人的老話

男：我年輕時妳都到哪兒去了？

女：忙著躲你呀！

LOL!! 怕到最后你没人要!!

豬的計算公式

人＝吃飯＋睡覺＋上班＋玩,
豬＝吃飯＋睡覺,
代入：人＝豬＋上班＋玩,
即：人－玩＝豬＋上班.
結論：不懂玩的人＝會上班的豬

男人＝吃飯＋睡覺＋賺錢
豬＝吃飯＋睡覺
代入：男人＝豬＋賺錢
即：豬＝男人－賺錢
所以男人不賺錢等於豬。

女人＝吃飯＋睡覺＋花錢。
豬＝吃飯＋睡覺。
代入：女人＝豬＋花錢
即：女人－花錢＝豬。
結論：女人不花錢的都是豬。

綜上：
男人為了讓女人不變成豬而賺錢！
女人為了讓男人不變成豬而花錢！

結論：
男人＋女人
＝(豬＋賺錢)＋(豬＋花錢)
＝兩頭豬

LOL!!有趣,有趣!!

Only Three Doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

LOL!! CUTE!! > <''

Microsoft's Support Office

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct, but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

LOL!! That's smart! xD

這就是斯巴達!!!!

LOL!!经典!!!

爱是什么 ??

一日，獨立自信的港女越過沙漠和曠野，來到上帝面前，問：「主啊！甚麼是『愛』？」

作嬉皮士打扮的上帝，輕吐出含有大麻的煙圈說：「愛，就是LOVE。」

港女又問：「LOVE 是甚麼？」

上帝說：「LOVE 就是L-O-V-E。
L 是指Laughter(歡笑)，與愛人一起，如果不快樂的話，又怎算是愛？
O 是指Obligation(義務)，愛並不只有歡笑，還要為對方付出，做自己應該做的本份，這就是義務。
V是指Voice(意見)，二人相處需要有自己的意見，同時亦要大聲表達出來讓對方知道。
E 則是Equality (平等)，在愛之內，沒有高下尊卑之分，愛人如己，將對方視作等同自己一樣重要。你明白嗎？」

聽過上帝為了遷就自己程度而說的拆字速記法後，港女微微點頭，似乎有所得著。

然而，正當上帝以為完成工作而鬆一口氣時，卻聽到港女說：「主啊！你的道理實在玄妙，我需要時間參詳，但我怕自己會不記得你的說話，所以可否賜予我一些信物？讓我永遠也不會忘記你的教誨！」

上帝看見她就覺得心煩，也就隨手在附近四塊石頭上，刻上L-O-V-E 四字。

港女見了十分歡喜，想要搬走石頭回家，卻發覺四塊石頭加起來太重，自己一個最多只能搬動兩塊。

港女開始後悔沒有把男人叫來這裡。

港女想：我住的城市講求男女平等，"E"字那一塊應該可以不用搬回去。

接著，她又望著剩下的三塊石頭想：對伴侶的義務實在太沉重，沒有必要的話就不要提。

於是，港女抱起剩下的兩塊石頭，再次越過曠野和沙漠，回到自己的居處。終於，港女回到大城市，但此時她已筋疲力盡，回到家立即僕床呼呼大睡。

睡醒後，港女發現自己竟將大部份的東西都忘掉，但幸好，她見到床邊仍放著自己千辛萬苦捧回來的兩塊大石，也就心滿意足地笑起來。

也因此，港女眼中的「LOVE」就變成只有「LV」了。

LOL!!难怪!!

单纯老师

今天我的小表弟佑佑在下課時間...跟同學在教室追逐嬉戲....
後來玩著玩著...忽然同學惡作劇偷偷摸了他的小鳥....
他感到非常生氣.....又覺得被摸的感覺很羞辱....
於是哭著去找級任老師(女的)......
"老師 XXX 摸我的小鳥" 表弟這時又氣又想哭.....
"而且摸的很大力"
這時班導找來XXX 想要當面訓誡一番......
"XXX 老師有沒有教過不可以隨便亂摸人家的東西....."老師很嚴厲口吻說...
"下次不可以再這樣子 知不知道"
"在摸之前要先經過人家同意"

原本我的小表弟還很暗自慶幸.....
沒想到這位級任老師竟然轉過頭來 口氣也不是說很好
"還有你 "
"難道老師之前所說的 你都沒放在心上"
"老師不是說過 不可以帶動物或是寵物來學校的嗎"
"誰叫你帶小鳥來學校 " "把小鳥交出來 放學後老師再還你"

LOL!! 老师...你几岁?? xD

逼疯=激动=??

一.公车站台
“小姐你踩到我脚了.”
“没有吧,我离你那么远.”
“我是说,如果你把脚不小心放在了我脚上,就是踩到我脚了.”
“神经病.”
“哇,小姐好眼力,我确实有神经病史,一般看见漂亮的女孩就发作.”
“你们男人总悄茄?说些无聊的话故意引女孩子故意.好象以为自己很帅.”
“小姐你错了，我从不以为我自己帅,而是我本身就很帅.”
“别那么恶心人好吧.我要吐了.”
“在你吐之前我可以问你个问题吗?”
“有屁快放”.
“你为什么要昧着良心否定我的帅?”
“滚........”

二.公车上
“怎么又是你？”
“有时候我的确无处不在.”
“你知不知道你很烦人，那么多位置不坐，偏要坐我旁边.”
“小姐，你搞清楚，我只是坐了个空位置，而空位置的旁边，刚好有个你，如此而已.”
“前面也有个空位置你怎么不去？”
“噢，明白了，原来你是想看我屁股，或者我用屁股看你？”
“快滚....”

三.下了公车
“你为什么又下车？”
“反正不是因为你！我喜欢闲逛.”
“我告你*，你哪个单位的？”
“你是说斤，还是焦耳，牛顿？”
“我跟你很熟吗？老说这种无厘头话，对不起，我不感冒！”
“是呀，我们一点都不熟.我们好比一个枝头的两棵青草莓，酸酸的.”
“看了几次大话西游，学了几句唐僧话，以为你很幽默么？”
“幽默是天生的，要怪，你去怪我妈嘛.对了，还有我爸爸...”
“神经.”
“你妈神经.”
“你妈神经.”
“你看你,明明是你妈却要硬说成是我妈,莫非你想....”
“给我滚....”

四.KCF门口
“不会吧,我怎么那么倒霉又遇到你.”
“我也发觉了，我想我前辈子的罪一定很重”
“你说清楚点！小心我扁你！”
“你敢.我会叫的.”
“叫什么？”
“非礼呀，但不说强*.”
“你以为会有人理你么？”
“没有也好，我非礼回来好了.”
“天拉，你这样的无赖都有，真是瞎了老天的眼！”
“恩，是呀，要不然这世界上也不会存在什么所谓的精英.”
“........”

五.KFC里
“别说话,你一说话我就烦.”
“我还没说呀，讲点道理好不好？”
“我都叫你别说了，你说起话来象只苍蝇，恶心死了.”
“噢，本来话能起到这么大的作用，实在是惊天地，泣鬼神哟，我可以做个兼职哟？”
“做什么？”
“去医院帮人洗胃.”
“你没的救了，早点回去料理后事吧.”
“临死前我没有什么要求，我只想对你说几个字，又怕你不答应.你答应么？”
“说吧，合理要求可以考虑.”
“这顿KFC你请我好吗?”
“去死.....”

六.出KFC
“你没女朋友吗?星期天一个人闲逛?”
“准确的说我没女朋友,但有女性朋友,你问这个干嘛?”
“没什么呀，关心你终生大事，不好吗？”
“好，怎么不好？你好象我一个我深爱的人。”
“谁？..”
“我老妈.她也老喜欢问这问那。”
“要不是在街上这么多人看着，我真想揍你.”
“我都不怕别人看见你揍我,你怕什么呀?你呢，不陪男朋友吗？”
“不要你管！”
“噢，明白了.被男朋友抛弃了，揍我想找心理平衡.”
“狗嘴里吐不出象牙.明说吧,我不想找.”
“考虑一下我吧,我吃点亏.”
“求你别再恶心我了.”
“我可以无条件充当你的临时演员,如果需要男朋友的时候请打***********”
“到时候再说.”
“告诉我你的电话好吧?”
“到时候再说或到*********** 里给我留言别说你不知道这个网站.再烦我骂你了呀.”
“是啊我正要说啊我是不知道啊，我这就去看一下，为此我等着你发条信息骂我.”
..................

七.各自回家
“奇怪,我真的好想发条信息去骂他.”
“呵呵.她不发信息骂我才奇怪.”
“完蛋了，难道我真的喜欢那个无赖了?”
“嘿嘿，她不喜欢我这个无赖那才叫完蛋.”

LOL....和他在一起真的会疯去咯..

Get in line

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her
morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession
approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long
black hearse about 50 feet behind the
first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary
woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance
back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully
approached the woman walking the dog and said,
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a
bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.
Whose
funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was
trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

LOL!! That dog gonna be a celebrity!

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