一老翁散步后返回家，突然发现一漂亮的女贼正在他家行窃。
老翁拿起电话机就要报警，女贼央求道，求求你千万别报警，你怎样都行。
老头想反正送上门的，不玩儿白不玩儿。好，脱衣服上床。
老翁费了半天的工夫就是不行，于是起身说:”哎！不行了，还是报警吧！”
LOL!!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
The Best Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
LOL!!!
Proof
One day, an old lady went to the store to get some food for her dog.
When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food.
One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food.
Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like poop!"
The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"
When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food.
One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food.
Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like poop!"
The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"
LOL!!
不用戴
妻子在厨房里忙着准备早餐，丈夫在她的屁股上拍了一下，说，“你要是能把这搞硬，就不用穿弹力裤了。”妻子强忍着，没搭理他。
第二天，他又在妻子的乳X上抓了一把，说：“你要是能把这搞硬，就不用戴乳罩了。”妻子不耐烦了，在他裤裆里拍了一下，说：“你要是能把这搞硬，就不用戴绿帽了。”
LOL!!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Unholy Things
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?"
The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours."
So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time.
The mother said to the first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?"
The nun replied, "I stole a kid's bike."
The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water."
When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?"
The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!"
The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?"
The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours."
So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time.
The mother said to the first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?"
The nun replied, "I stole a kid's bike."
The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water."
When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?"
The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!"
The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?"
The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
LOL!!
肚子大的原因
四岁小女孩玛莉一天兴高采烈的对妈妈说：
“妈妈，妈妈，我知道了！”
‘知道什么？’
“爸爸的肚子为什么那么大了！”
‘哦，为什么？’
“因为今天早上我看到女佣茱莉拼命吹着爸爸肚子下面的管子。”
“妈妈，妈妈，我知道了！”
‘知道什么？’
“爸爸的肚子为什么那么大了！”
‘哦，为什么？’
“因为今天早上我看到女佣茱莉拼命吹着爸爸肚子下面的管子。”
LOL!!
船上的木桶
有一新的水手上船，發現船上的人清一色是男生。
當然啦! 凡是正常男人都會有需要的啦! 可是B船上又不方便。這時這位菜鳥發現有一個木桶蠻奇特的 凡是有「需要」的人 就在木桶邊的洞「咿咿啊啊」幾聲就搞定了。
當然啦! 凡是正常男人都會有需要的啦! 可是B船上又不方便。這時這位菜鳥發現有一個木桶蠻奇特的 凡是有「需要」的人 就在木桶邊的洞「咿咿啊啊」幾聲就搞定了。
於是這位菜鳥先生就去找船長了。
「請問船長,我什麼時候可以用木桶?」菜鳥問。
「每天都可以用, 唯有星期日不行!」船長答。
「why?」菜鳥再問。
「因為星期天就輪到你去蹲在裡面了.....」
LOL!!
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